Science says the moon makes Earth’s tides swell. It says the two — earth and moon — are tethered to one another through gravitational force, and all of Earth’s oceans rage when the moon waxes full and strong.
When I stand at my grandfather’s grave for the first time in the two years since his burial, I stand there under a waxing moon and in the swell of my own oceans undulating under the hold of grief’s gravity. There I am, between the trees, standing in the chill of an arctic air mass with no scarf, no hat. I want to move my mouth and make words come from my lips, but I cannot, with my face frozen in New York’s cold, bitter wind.
A pile of bones I am, shivering and shaking, putting off all I want to say to my grandfather, laid low beneath the ground. Can I really whisper confessions aloud into the wind, telling him how it feels like he, just days ago, slipped his way through the back door of my townhome? It feels like just yesterday he walked up my stairs and sang a song or two to his mesmerized great-grandson.
I want to look long and loving, one last time, into his face; I want to memorize the constellation of freckles on his cheeks and smooth that furrow in his brow. I want to tell him not to worry, that I’m okay, we’re all okay. And then I’d cry somewhere where he wouldn’t see me, so my tears don’t hold him back from earth’s release…
This post is an excerpt, featured by (in)courage, from the last chapter of The Matter of Little Losses. We’re giving away a few free copies, so tap on the link below and leave a comment on the article to be entered into the giveaway.
The Matter of Little Losses releases this Tuesday. I have all the feelsssssss. Here’s an Instagram reel I made about it. Podcast interviews and some speaking coming up. I will share all the things with you as they come.
I GOT A BIG BOX OF COPIES OF TMLL.
I haven’t had the chance to open it yet, so maybe I’ll do so kind of celebratory unboxing video to share with everyone.
Okay. I gotta dash, and go deliver some sandwiches (so I might be slow to comment back today). But…here we are. TMLL launch weekend.
If you preordered, tag me in photos when your book arrives.
If you didn’t preorder, what are you waiting for?
Whether you preordered or not, please help share this post and let people know about The Matter of Little Losses.
Ohhh, these photographs 🖤💜
I am so proud of you... as I held this book in my hands this morning I cried. The Lord knew that Rachel Marie Kang would write a book for my heart in this season, He knew that my heart would need your words, permission to grieve the (BIG) and small losses in this season.
So incredibly thankful for your life, your words and your heart.